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Hang up your coats |
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20/9/07, 06:49 PM So, it's been announced that white coats are being banned across the NHS. Forgive the non-excited sarcastic tone, but who actually wears a white coat anymore anyway? The last time I saw one in an NHS hospital was when I visited the inner sanctuary of the rare creature known as the Histopathologist. And as far as I can tell, histopathologists have no idea what a patient looks like anyway.
Instead of banning doctors wearing white coats (which they don't wear anyway) shouldn't these hospital managers be concentrating on more important issues like erm... I dunno.. actually employing doctors in the first place? Or is this a new strategy - no doctors means no-one to spread infection. Brilliant! Furthermore (yes, I can say that word with pride, thanks) what's all this about being 'bare below the elbow'? It's not as if doctors ever touch patients with their forearms!! And why are we now being told we can't wear watches? I'm not in the habit of rubbing my watch on people y'know! How am I supposed to count someone's pulse, or measure their respiratory rate, or even more pressing - how the hell am I supposed to know when I'm allowed to go home if there's no working clocks anywhere in sight? So, here's to a working day in which I spend every second minute washing my hands, wondering what the time is. Thanks NHS. What's next? Naked nurses, I hope. | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |   ( 3 / 663 )
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A Fistful Of Quarters |
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17/8/07, 09:49 PM Apparently the No 1 cult film this year is not going to be Transformers, or the over-rated Simpsons Movie, or even a film you've ever heard of. In fact - it's going to be 'King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters'. How do I know it's going to be huge? Read on... Any one who's a fan of Ben Stiller's bad guy in Dodgeball will instantly be intrigued by the computer-addicted villain 'Billy Mitchell' - a self-proclaimed world record breaker who refers to himself in the 3rd person, and who has held the record for the highest score in Donkey Kong for over 20 years. How's about that for a claim to fame? Well, Billy obviously takes his glory moment way too seriously - especially when a high school science teacher (who has practiced every night after his kids have gone to bed) claims to have beaten his score AND earned a previously thought-to-be impossible score of 1,000,000 points, comes along to challenge the long-held record. What makes the concept of this film such an instant cult classic is not only the sheer comedy value of watching two fully grown men bicker over what is essentially a 25 year old kids game, but the total reality of the situation - and the seriousness that the 'characters' seem to bring to the competition. Where Dodgeball, Zoolander, and Anchor Man all played on the idea of being overly proud of utterly mundane jobs with over-the-top villains and arch-nemeses, this film brings that into the domain of 'reality documentary', with potential for unrivalled tension and hilarity. With quotes such as 'If you wanna put a score up - you're competing against everybody in the world' - surely this is going to be on every students DVD list by Christmas. I'm rooting for the underdog. | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink | ( 3 / 445 )
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An ode to old employment |
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27/7/07, 11:37 PM Tonight will be the last night
Of my record-breakingly successful run In the lead role of the greatest play of the century. Unprecedentedly warm praise from patients and nurses alike Has met my portrayal of a doctor on the wards who gives a damn. I’d like to thank all my friends and fans For always pushing me to soldier on. So one last time (for my patients) My greatest soliloquy: "To whom it may concern: I’d like to nominate myself to receive an award As a small symbol of recognition for my body of work. A lifetime of selling my body to pay the bills. But my heart and my mind are mine, you will not win this war. This is just a battle. I’ve surrendered you my physical attendance, And no, you will not take my soul Lest we forget why I’m working here." My letter to the human resources department said “You started a war so you’ll get what you started.” I’m only working here because I need the fucking money. *adapted from 'To Whom It May Concern' by Frank Turner | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink |  ( 3 / 574 )
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Does this sound unfair? |
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22/6/07, 12:57 PM When you're applying for a job, the least you expect is to be sure of where the job actually is, right? I mean, you don't apply for a banking job in the city and then get posted out in Scunthorpe without a lot of complaining. You wouldn't expect to move to a town or city looking for work, only to be turfed out once you found a job.
This is what's happening with junior doctors. Even doctors who have just come out of university and have piles of debt. If you think this is unfair, then you're not wrong. We've worked for 6 years at university, and then we're told that a) there's not enough jobs b) if you apply for one you probably won't get it c) you'll just be allocated randomly. Here's a quote from the application system - "Should we have unplaced applicants and unfilled programmes following the allocations process, remaining applicants will be allocated randomly to programmes and will be expected to take these up, even if these are a significant distance from London and not within locations for which the applicant has expressed a preference. An application to this programme should, therefore, not be viewed as an application for solely London posts, and successful applicants should be aware that their allocation may be within a post that is a significant distance from London. Once allocated, applicants may not exchange posts with one another, nor may an applicant change to another post in the event of a vacancy occurring." I strongly believe that if this nonsense was implemented in ANY other sector of employment then there would be strikes, demonstrations - in short, massive uproar. However, even though doctors have protested, they can not strike, for risk of losing their jobs (and self-respect). The whole situation has left many helpless, without jobs, or jobs literally hundreds of miles from friends and family. I personally know 6 people who are going to Australia next year to work, so 'sick' are they of this 'diseased' system. To put salt in the wound - these aren't just 'normal' jobs - they are TRAINING posts. Without these official posts, doctors can not climb the career ladder, and are effectively stuck in the low-pay, low-morale junior grade they were birthed into by their med school. In any other sector, training comes as part of the job. Not in this NHS! Whatever happened to the days when doctors were pillars of the community? Now, we're being treated like McJobbers, who can be hired and fired, shifted, moved, mistreated and degraded without a second thought. It all stinks of bureaucracy, something which has little place behind the healing hands of medicine. Thank goodness Tony Blair is leaving, and Patricia Hewitt is on the way out. Let's hope the next lot can do a little better! | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink | ( 3 / 591 )
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Quit while you're ahead |
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21/6/07, 04:19 PM With the public smoking ban coming in to force on July 1st across the UK, the NHS is preparing itself for an influx of smokers trying to quit, and suffering the consequences. It's not easy giving up a drug that's more addictive than heroin, especially when the withdrawal effects kick in.
The risk of chest infection, or community acquired pneumonia is increased during the period after quitting, as the lung cilia start to clear the years of gunk out of your furrowed airways. This muck has been dormant, and now it has a chance to spread. Also, as the skin lining of the mouth and throat begins to heal, people start noticing small mouth ulcers, and a sensation of glandular enlargement. Weight gain is also a large complaint of ex-smokers, as the 'oral-fixation' created by the smoking habit tends to be filled with food, but this can be physically countered with small chewable objects like pens or gum. Low mood, aggression and irritability are also very apparent in the early stages of quitting - as nicotinic receptors clamour for stimulation. It takes a good few days for these receptors to down-regulate. On the plus side, people will be breathing easier, sleeping better, and will eventually have increased energy levels. It's not quite like the good old days when even doctors were sponsored by cigarette brands! Video from Youtube | [ 0 trackbacks ] | permalink | ( 3 / 627 )
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